and that’s when i snapped!

Even with the sunshine out, we can still feel down. The constant checking on updates of the world, is taxing to our bodies and our mental state. Not to mention, financial worries, doubting your parenting skills, and relationship agitation.

When I was feeling low during this quarantine, I found myself, not sleeping, not eating, not moving my body. Completely neglecting myself and just wallowing in the emotions. My mind said not to move. My body ached all over. Everything sucked. I was irritated, even angry. Any lil thing could set me off. Am I always like this? I would ask myself. I’ve always had a huge mood swing personality, that I’m still working on. I can be happy, then snap. I remember a t-shirt I saw years back. It had a broken branch on it, the caption read, “And, that’s when I snapped!” Cracks me up!!!

I can’t express to you enough, the importance of moving. When my energy is depleted, even just sitting on the ground or in bed, and starting to stretch, helps. You have to get all of that stagnant crap out of the body. Move and breath. Body and breath. Keep it simple.

This has been a great opportunity to differentiate between wanting to feel good and not giving a shit. Feel good, don’t be defeated, be easy on yourself, and I’m sending you a big squeeze ok. #stayzenmyfren

I’ve never been more aware than now

Have you noticed your keen sense of awareness blossoming lately? I’ve never been more aware than now.

I refuse to throw anything away unless I’ve gutted the inside before placing in the trash. Before, I would have mindlessly tossed it out. I’m careful. I’m considerate. Of everything.

I’m taking delight in my daily routines. No rushing, living by the clock, actually looking into someones eyes when they’re speaking.

Giving myself a routine in the morning keeps me in check. I wake up, grab my hot black coffee (I used to be a dairy whore a million years ago), climb back in bed, and I write. Free flow writing. I’ve been doing this for years. But I have slipped this past year. This time gave me a chance to reconnect with all the rituals that help me. See, the morning used to be my crazy time. I could spin myself into madness and disrupt the whole house before 8am.

After I write, then I’ve been sitting on my meditation cushion, outside, facing East. East is the direction of new beginnings. I become aware of the sun on my face, the breeze on my side, and the birds bustling around me. I become aware of my body. My seat connected to the earth. My breath at my nostrils. I usually focus on belly breathing, but I’ve been tuning in more to the nose. A clean slate everyday. Start fresh, make intentions of who I want to be today. I become aware of my whole being. Savoring the moment, becoming increasingly aware. I don’t beat myself up for only doing 10 minutes, that’s enough for now.

If I just do those two things, then I’m set up for a great day. It keeps me clear and more aware.

5 Steps To Deal With Burnout

Lessons that I’ve learned during this wacky time. These 5 things are my go to. Always have been. Guess, I’ve lost sight of some of them. Practice these daily, hourly, it’s a practice. Allow yourself to connect again with the REAL YOU! I’ve been thinking about this lil girl a lot, and I miss my mama:) xxx

  1. CONSCIOUSLY BREATHE: You can’t suffer when you are present with your breath. If you think about breathing, it becomes healing. Pause when you feel yourself not able to come back to the moment. Inhale thru the nose for a 5 count. Hold for 5. Exhale out the mouth for 5. Do this breathing pattern for 1 min. Magic happens.
  2. LISTEN INTENTLY: Listening to our inner voice, if it’s negative, is natural. But try listening to the softer, kinder, voice within. Practice really listening to any engagement your in. With us being in close quarters lately, agitation can creep in. Focus on what the other person is saying. Really focus. Be apart of the conversation, instead of thinking about what you will say next.
  3. NO JUDGMENT: Ohh, that inner critic. If you find yourself being judgy, flip it quick. Don’t listen, but also, celebrate that you became aware of the thought, and move on. Next please!
  4. DON’T BE A SLAVE: If you find yourself being a slave to social media, your inbox, or your phone, step back. It all can wait. Really.
  5. BE KIND TO YOURSELF: Self-Compassion is key in living a life where you can allow the REAL YOU to shine. Don’t be a bully to yourself. Be easy. Take it easy. PATIENCE……NAMASTE!

painting fun

Pulled out some craft paint I had from when I did nails. I didn’t have art paper or a canvas so I improvised with some regular paper. I am so fortunate to have a beautiful landscape around me to be inspired by. I didn’t overthink it. I just started.

Hey!

Writing seems to be the only thing keeping me sane.

I’ve been trying to write daily since I was forced to close my yoga studio in March 2020. I hope that by sharing my stories, you will find comfort and inspiration.

Healing With The Arts

I decided that I really needed something to do. Mentally and physically. I took advantage of a free online course offered by Coursera. It was $49, but due to the COVID-19, they are offering some great courses for free. I scrolled for hours one evening. I decided on a Healing With the Arts offered by the University of Florida.

This course asks you to explore the more creative side of you. Visual arts along with music, dance and sound healing. I was very intrigued.

Growing up I was very confident in my artistry. I actually won tickets to Disneyland and a trophy for a drawing I did when I was 7. The picture was of me in a hospital bed and my two friends alongside me visiting with flowers I think. Then in the 4th grade, I won 1st place for my drawing of George Washington! Yeah!!

Those are the only artsy memories that stick out. I did acrylic nails with forms for almost a decade but wasn’t too confident in my design, especially not just off the top of my head. I used to love to dance, but haven’t really anymore. I do dance around when my jams are on but that’s it. I can’t sing. I don’t really sing. I don’t mind chanting but singing, I definitely have insecurities. I still need to investigate where the shying away from art stuff comes from. All of my sons are extremely creative, painting, art, music and drawing. I’ve watched them in awe and with a curiousness.

Anyways, this course has brought me out of my shell and I’m having a blast playing. I’ve painted, created a medicine wheel (more on that later), made shapes with rocks. I’m also coloring. It’s been meditative. The art play has kept me in the moment. I’m really thankful for that.

HOW YOU DOIN?

I feel like I’ve watched everything on Netflix! Cruising thru 11 seasons of “Cheers” now, while crocheting a blanket:) Its cold AF outside! I try to go out several times a day to get in the sun, but damn son, its freezing!

I have been enjoying capturing such beautiful pics of the High Desert too. Before, I was always rushing around, complaining about never having any down time, welp, lol….

Trying to stay connected, but also disconnect. It’s been weird and calming at the same time.

This is a point in our lives where we really have to step up, its time. All those things we said we wanted to do, fuckin do it!!

What have you been learning about yourself and others during this time?

In some people, I have seen genuine caring of others. In other people, it seems they are just looking out for themselves. I totally get it. Some have become more vocal, some have turned inward more. Just stay true to yourself.

I truly feel that we will emerge out of this as the best version of ourselves.

Comment what you’ve been up to. Are you trying new things? Have you experienced some personal growth?

Virtual Hugs all around baby!